Society - Relationships
By: - at June 18, 2013

13 Ways to Be Happy After a Break Up

Couple that broke upAre you having trouble getting over your ex?  It's important to know that it is natural to want your ex back. It's natural to want to cling on and never let go, especially when you've been in love for a long time. After all, break ups are tough, as anyone who's been through one can readily attest to.

But the worst thing to do – which also will give you the least chance of actually getting back together – is to sulk around and cling on.

Like it or not, you're single now. And sulking around, wallowing in self-pity and nursing a bucket of ice cream while watching poorly scripted romantic comedies isn't going to change that.

When you're newly single, the best course of action is to get back to enjoying your life as quickly as possible. Not only is this a whole lot more fun than crying yourself to sleep every night, but you'll likely prove to yourself that you CAN be happy without your ex. And most of all, if there is any chance of you and your ex getting back together, enjoying the heck out of your life is the best way to do it!

13 Do's and Don'ts to Be Happy After a Break Up

13.  DO spend time with a good friend
Good friendships are your most important resource for staying happy after a break up. To most men, many women completely mess this up. Your goal after a break up is to stop sulking and start enjoying life again, not dump your feelings on a friend.

Ever notice how if you're mad about something and you keep talking about it, you get yourself even more riled up? The same is true about your feelings for your ex. Instead of dumping all your emotional baggage on your friend and dragging him or her down with you, go do something fun together. Go on a hike. Go dancing. Go to the zoo. Getting your mind of the break up is always better than dwelling on it.

12.  DON'T contact your ex
If there's one thing that NEVER makes a break up easier to deal with, it's contacting your ex. Feelings don't change immediately, so give your ex some space if you want there to be a chance of you getting back together. More importantly, give yourself some space – it's much easier be happy when you can separate yourself from the drama of the break up.

11.  DO think rationally about the situation
Is your life really over? Will you really never find someone else? Is your ex really the only source of happiness in your life? Of course not. In five years, you'll be fine, regardless of what happens.

10.  DON'T immediately jump to someone else
This is almost never a good idea. Worst case scenario you end up sleeping with someone you didn't really want to, feeling terrible about it and missing your ex even more. Best case scenario, you lead someone on and then crush them when you let them know you're still not over your ex.

9.  DO understand your own emotions
Have you ever not wanted to do something important, but decided to do it anyway? Your emotions don't have to control you. You can control them instead. Whenever you feel like doing something you feel like having a breakdown, stop yourself and remind yourself that you DO have control over your own emotions. Emotions are your brains (often misguided) suggestions, not rules.

8. Girl eating for guilty pleasure DON'T indulge in guilty pleasures
While eating an entire bag of Hershey's Kisses (presumably while sobbing as the cute little tags remind you how single you are) might feel good at the time, you'll often feel guilty afterward and end up feeling even worse. Do fun things that make you feel good about yourself, not things that make you feel guilty and undeserving.

7.  DO reduce stress in other areas of your life
Breakups are often far worse when you're stressed out in general. Take a couple days off work and cut off other sources of stress in your life. Do things that help you reduce stress (no, not that bag of Hershey's Kisses) or things that at least help you take your mind off of stressful situations.

6.  DON'T try to get revenge
Getting back at your ex may be tempting, but it's almost never going to make you feel better. Remember, the best revenge is not missing a step and thoroughly enjoying your life without him.

5.  DO something nice for someone else
Giving to charity (or doing something nice for a friend) has been scientifically proven to make people feel better. When you help someone else, you'll stop focusing so much on yourself and your own problems.

Helping someone

4.  DON'T take yourself too seriously
Ever see someone become livid about something so insignificant it's almost laughable? Learn to look at yourself through that same lens. Don't you think it's a little bit funny that there are 3 billion other options for you and you're upset about losing one? Isn't it a little bit absurd that your brain is telling you this is a life-ending situation?

3.  DO think about everything else you have going for you
It may not seem like it now, but you have a lot of good things going for you. You probably have some great friends, some cool talents and you're intelligent to look for ways to feel better rather than sulking. Don't discount the positives.

2.  DON'T shut yourself off from other possibilities
While immediately jumping ship and staring a new fling is usually a terrible idea, don't completely shut yourself off from the possibility of meeting someone else. To quote Brad Pitt from Meet Joe Black “You never know. Lightning could strike”.

Heart broken female

1.  DO realize that it will all turn out alright in the end
It may feel like the end of the world now, but there will be a time – perhaps not too far from now – when you'll be in love again and you'll be happy that things turned out exactly as they did. Maybe it will be your ex, maybe it will be someone else, but you'll find someone, and everything will be okay.

Putting it All Together
If there's one takeaway from this article it's that you can be happy despite being single. You simply have to choose to do the things that will help you to start enjoying your life again, and avoid the common pitfalls that will bring you down.

You may still miss your ex and that's okay. But if you're loving your life, moving on will be much easier and far less painful.

And who knows? Maybe you will get back together. But whatever happens, focusing on your own happiness is key. Building your own positive emotions is what will best help you get over your ex and, ironically, your best chance of getting back together.





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