Society - Relationships
By: - at January 6, 2013

Top 15 Myths About Love

You heard about love from almost everywhere when you were a child, it's a staple of the tales people have created and consumed for entertainment for as long as stories have been told.

You heard about love from almost everywhere when you were a child, it's a staple of the tales people have created and consumed for entertainment for as long as stories have been told. Love stories are thrown around in Disney cartoons and in young adult novels so often that their common themes are taken as fact without a shred of evidence. This "everybody knows" form of public opinion can be miss conceived about almost anything and love is no exception. A lot of the most common ideas that the masses perpetuate about love are flat out wrong, here are the top 15 myths about love and the truth behind the tropes.


Myth 15)  Love is Purely Emotional
It's commonly thought that love is only a matter of emotions and people that carry on about love are seen as flighty, not firmly rooted in reality. However, that couldn't be further from the truth because there's a lot more to love than emotional responses. Posit Science features an article about how love isn't just a matter of the heart and sections of our brains become more active as you think about being in love. When you are in love, the brain becomes more active in the ventral segmental area of the brain and this part of the brain is where you process pleasure by making dopamine. When you are in love, this part of your brain lights up and goes into overdrive. You are more content when you're in love because your brain is making happy chemicals more often.

That isn't the only thing that the extra dopamine production does, it's also a highly addictive chemical and that means that you can become addicted to being in love. The pining that you see lovers do traditionally isn't only rooted in emotional feelings. Instead, it can become a very real chemical dependency longing for the person you desire.

When you are in love, the brain becomes more active in the ventral segmental area of the brain and this part of the brain is where you process pleasure by making dopamine.


Myth 14)  True Love Never Needs Therapy
A simple look in the phone book or an online search can show you that there are thousands of doctors that specialize in couple's therapy. Many large universities, like Ohio State University in Columbus, Ohio, have full programs that focus on marital and couple's therapy. All of these couples are not in danger of breaking up nor are they no longer in love. Most couples are very much in love and that is why people try anything, including therapy, to make their relationships work.

The most common reasons that couples go to therapy are communication breakdowns and this usually happens if people get married very quickly or they marry very young. As people grow and change, they may end up having issues connecting with their significant other. Major life changes, such as the birth of a child or a death, also have the ability to throw couples into a tailspin. This does not mean that couples do not love each other anymore, it means that they need some help working through their issues and keeping their relationship alive. Therapy is an extreme act of proving your love for another person.

Many large universities, like Ohio State University in Columbus, Ohio, have full programs that focus on marital and couple's therapy.


Myth 13)  Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
There's a reason that people tend to talk down about internet relationships and that's because absence really does not make the heart grow fonder. The physical act of touching your partner triggers that dopamine center in your brain. Humans are contact heavy beings and for many the physical act of being able to touch your partner is key to keeping your interest in each other alive.

When you add this to the fact that people go through day to day trials and tribulations that require physical comfort, it's easy to see how many long distance relationships simply do not last. If you have problems and end up crying on someone's shoulder, that trust and vulnerability that you show proves that you have some level of love as well as trust for that person. When you cannot physically be comforted by your partner it can cause a rift in your relationship that you simply can't repair.

People go through day to day trials and tribulations that require physical comfort, it's easy to see how many long distance relationships simply do not last.


Myth 12)  You Will Never Love Again
In a lot of stories you will see people talking about their one and only love as well as the hero of the story lamenting the death of their one true love. The scene is usually very dramatic and then he or she will declare that ďthey will never love againĒ. This makes for a dramatic and very moving sentiment but that's not how it usually works. While it is true that you cannot replace a person with someone else as though you are buying new shoes, it's not true that people are made to have only one soul mate.

Simple statistics prove that wrong due to there being over seven billion people in the world, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. The chance of you meeting one person in that seven billion that is a fit just for you is nearly impossible. Not only is it nearly impossible but it ignores the fact that human beings are very complex individuals who are capable of a wide range of responses and emotions. Losing a loved one is traumatic and can make you feel like nothing will ever be right again but, thankfully, there is always a chance to love another.

While it is true that you cannot replace a person with someone else as though you are buying new shoes, it's not true that people are made to have only one soul mate.


Myth 11)  Jealousy Means Love
Any marriage counselor will tell you that there are many different problems that happen in a relationship and these issues sometimes require intervention. Some problems are still grounded in a basis of love and understanding. These can be complex and sometimes flair up with outbursts but keep in mind they are not something to be afraid of or worried about. However, there are problems in relationships that have nothing to do with love, like jealousy for example.

Jealousy can be both good and bad but it doesn't mean that your partner loves you. In fact, jealousy can be a sign of dissatisfaction in a relationship. It can also hint at someone allowing their insecurities to take over the way that they are thinking and the way that they feel about you. If your partner cannot overcome being jealous then they may become manipulative and possibly abusive. If you're having trouble with jealousy, it is important to speak with a professional to get your feelings under control before they harm you or your partner.

If your partner cannot overcome being jealous then they may become manipulative and possibly abusive.


Myth 10)  You Never Fight When in Love
No two people in the world are exactly alike and if you think about what drew you to your partner then youíll probably find itís the ways they differ from you as much as the ways you are the same. Variety keeps a relationship interesting and the ability to complement one another makes a deep, lasting foundation for love that gives you something to explore in your partner as you make a life together.

With that being said, itís those differences that youíll end up fighting over too and itís not a sign that youíre incompatible or that the relationship is weak. Arguing in a healthy way that leads to relationship negotiation is a sign of strength and a hallmark of the bond between two passionate, committed people that respect each otherís values as well as perspectives. Think about it, have you ever kept silent to keep the peace in a relationship? What happened? You probably had to compromise your position on a subject and may have given up something important to you. Feeling confident and open about arguing for what you believe in means that you trust the person youíre arguing with not to steamroll over something meaningful to you. Rather, you expect that they will hear you out and at least consider your position. You donít get much more in love than that.

Arguing in a healthy way that leads to relationship negotiation is a sign of strength and a hallmark of the bond between two passionate, committed people that respect each otherís values as well as perspectives.


Myth 9)  Love Makes Sex Better
There are entire industries based around sex in every country in the world and these industries cater to all different sorts of people but those involved do not have to love each other. While many people feel like love intensifies their sexual encounters, for the most part those who enjoy sex do not need to be in love to enjoy it. The truth of the matter is that the sex industry caters to the desire for lust, not love. This does not change because of a person's gender either, female brains do not require love to enjoy intercourse any more or less than male brains do. Like most things as personal as love, it depends on the individual.

The idea that love requires sex, or vice versa, also ignores the desires of people who are asexual. Asexuals do not have any sexual drive or desires but they do have the same capacity for love as any sexual person. However,  passion for them doesn't need the sexual contact that most people associate with being in love.

While many people feel like love intensifies their sexual encounters, for the most part those who enjoy sex do not need to be in love to enjoy it.


Myth 8)  True Love is Never Hard
Puppy love, or infatuation, is really easy because itís that moment where youíre instantly smitten, where the world is rainbows and nothing could go wrong. True love is what comes about after all that glamour has faded and everything has gone wrong. True love is not an easy affirmation that youíre meant to be but rather a conscious commitment that you want to be. To have true love with your partner, you have to be whole and present in the relationship. You have to be willing to communicate and negotiate.

There are a lot of types of  "love" and romantic feelings that exist to fill voids. Some partners make you feel good about yourself, giving you the self-esteem you are lacking, while others may fill some kind of void in your interpersonal relationships. Thereís nothing wrong with dating someone for a reason other than true love but these relationships wonít lead to it. In these situations, you are receiving validation but what are you able to give back? When the going is rough, what is there to sustain you both? In true love, you have to value yourself as well as the object of your affections. While it probably sounds bizarre, with true love you have to be willing to love yourself as much as your partner does and vice versa. Otherwise, you will both be at odds with your own goals of filling each otherís needs because neither of you feel like you deserve the fruits of love.

True love is what comes about after all that glamour has faded and everything has gone wrong.


Myth 7)  Children Strengthen Relationships
While the pitter-patter of little feet isnít necessarily the death knell for any relationship, it also wonít automatically bring you and your partner together. Especially if you are already at odds or experiencing deep issues. Children are a lot of work and a new dynamic that can strain even good relationships between the stress, loss of time as well as change in priorities. Many relationship experts cite that couples who were strong before the baby arrived will likely be fine but those who were on shaky ground may drift apart instead of coming together over a common goal.

When children enter the picture, understanding the nature of true love is even more vital. If your relationship is sound then you have to keep in mind what has been sustaining it all this time. Remember to make time for each other, communicate your needs and keep a sense of humor when you can. Being parents will take up extraordinary amounts of your time and itís a role that lasts a lifetime. However, actually having little ones under foot is a temporary phase and itís important to remind yourselves that your family exists because of the love you share with each other. Consciously work together on issues that arise and donít hide behind parental responsibilities to avoid dealing with your trouble spots. Not only will this make love possible for the two of you but it will set a good example for your kids of what a healthy, strong relationship is meant to be.

Many relationship experts cite that couples who were strong before the baby arrived will likely be fine but those who were on shaky ground may drift apart instead of coming together over a common goal.


Myth 6)  Passion Never Dies
Talk to any married couple and they will tell you that the secret to their long lasting relationship isn't going to be the constant burning passion. In fact, a cooling off period is normal in almost all relationships and that's because when we get into something new, we're still figuring things out. New relationships have an exploration aspect and have not yet reached a comfortable equilibrium.

Relationships eventually hit a place where people work together seamlessly, this is called a cooling off period because you've reached a sort of comfort. You know most of the details of your partner's life, you know about their family issues and instead of learning about each other as individuals, you are learning about how you work together as a unit. The move from one person in a relationship to one entity is not always an easy one. People who are ferociously independent tend to fight the loss of self that comes with being in a relationship. However, once there is a rhythm to the relationship then it is easy to take the comfort for granted. Unfortunately, many people read this part of a relationship as becoming bored. They do not realize that the love they feel is still there, only now it is a constant flow instead of spurts or bursts. Remember, the brain in love creates dopamine and once you have a steady flow of any chemical then your body gets used to it.

Talk to any married couple and they will tell you that the secret to their long lasting relationship isn't going to be the constant burning passion.


Myth 5)  You Can Read Your Partner's Mind
There's something cute about those couples that seem to finish each other's sentences, how one seems to know exactly what the other is thinking and how the other will respond. However, this speaks to each partner having a huge level of empathy for the other and not to love awakening some latent psychic ability. It's natural for one partner to take over certain aspects of the couple's daily life, while some details are left to the other person. These habits will translate to life outside of their home, meaning that one partner will be able to anticipate the other's needs and either place an order or make a comment for them.

Sadly, no scientific journal has found any proof that mind reading is an actual thing. Scientists are debating the topic and constantly searching for some concrete proof that some people are able to form mental links to others. It is far more likely that people are capable of picking up patterns and learning how their partners respond to different situations. The longer you are with someone, the more honed this sense of your partnerís wants and needs becomes.

There's something cute about those couples that seem to finish each other's sentences, how one seems to know exactly what the other is thinking and how the other will respond.


Myth 4)  Love Makes You Live Longer
Psychology Today made the point to look at the work "Singled Out" in response to a study in 1996 that said people who married lived longer than people who did not. This study was flawed in numerous ways because it only looked at men who were in long term marriages and not women. Further, many of the sources were biased and could not be trusted to return accurate data. When the study was repeated and opened up to include women as well then the data showed that married men did appear to live longer lives but married women, by contrast, did not.

In truth, the study itself was still flawed and there is no way to ensure that you will live a longer life simply by getting married. There are too many factors involved when looking at something like lifespan to accurately understand how one small factor, like marriage, would affect it.

In truth, the study itself was still flawed and there is no way to ensure that you will live a longer life simply by getting married.


Myth 3)  People Never Cheat if They Are in Love
In another article from Psychology Today, the psychology of cheating and cheaters was explored. What they found was that most people who cheat on their loved ones still are in love with their partner. It's not a lack of love that drives people to explore relationships outside of their primary one but in some cases it's that the person is simply not wired for monogamy. This means that they, by their nature, usually end up having multiple partners. They actually require multiple partners to feel fulfilled in any of the relationships that they have. Another reason that people cheat has been listed as feelings of insecurity or worries about their own performance in the bedroom.

Among the most common reasons that people give for cheating is that they want to try something sexual that they are afraid to ask their partner for. This could ether be fear of making the partner uncomfortable or fear of improper execution, thus embarrassment in the bedroom with their primary partner. In short, there are multiple reasons that anyone could cheat on a loved one and a lack of love is not always one of them. People are more likely to end relationships once they feel like the love has gone out of than if they are to cheat. Cheating means that the person feels as though there is something worth saving in their current relationship, as broken as it may be.

It's not a lack of love that drives people to explore relationships outside of their primary one but in some cases it's that the person is simply not wired for monogamy.


Myth 2)  Love at First Sight
According to Dr. Elliot D. Cohen, the idea of love at first site is a complete myth. Though Cohen does admit that many people speak about falling in love with someone instantly and discuss personal reflections of love at first sight, he makes the claim that this is impossible. He does admit that people are immediately attracted to certain things, such as smells, body and things that can spark pleasant memories. These things make us fonder of a person within moments of meeting them. To truly know a person and develop a deep connection with them, you would need far more time and individual knowledge.

This "chemistry" that people talk about feeling when they meet someone for the first time could simply be a physical desire for a person. While this desire is real and valid, it does not always require love. Our society likes to pressure us into forcing the emotion of love on top of lust but the two are different and not innately connected.

According to Dr. Elliot D. Cohen, the idea of love at first site is a complete myth.


Myth 1)  You Can Change for Love
This is something that basically everyone in your life can already tell you is a lie, it's a romantic notion that the power of love can change someone for the better. The reality of the situation is that by the time we are adults, our personalities are cemented. Psypress, a publication that is dedicated to the study of psychology, states our personalities are firmly defined in our mid-to-late 20s. This means that changing yourself fundamentally after those ages is nearly impossible.

This also means that no one can really change for you, regardless of how much they love you. Changing someone isn't really an aspect of love, you should learn to love and grow with each other as you are at present as well as work to be the best versions of yourselves as possible. This may seem like change on the outside but as long as you treat fundamental personalities as the fixed entities that they are, a lot of the superficial aspects of a person's life can be adjusted.

Most people cannot change for the person they love.


In Conclusion
As you can see, love itself is a complex thing with a wide range of mythology that's just not true for everyone. So don't feel like you've lost the game of love just because none of these myths apply to you. They don't apply to most people, so you really aren't alone. Go out there and love again as well as again because you don't have to wait for any princess or prince to come save you.



 

 

 

 

Relationships
Top Lists:
20 Surprising Facts About Divorce
Top 15 Myths About Love
15 Crazy Marriage Proposal Incident Stories
Top 15 Epic Romantic Gestures
Top 15 Myths About Sex
15 Weird Reasons People Have Been Married
13 Ways to Be Happy After a Break Up
Informational:
Male Ego Dominance Is Venom in Marriage
The Secret to an Intimate Relationship
Making Long Distance Relationships Work
Ways to Stay Safe When Dating Online
The Dangers of Online Dating
Why Women Fail to Attract Men?
Why do Younger Women Like to Date Older Men?
Keep Your Marriage Fun by Having "Date Night" Every Week
Fraudulent Dating Through Facebook

Relationships


Copyright © 2017 YurTopic All rights reserved.

Protected by Copyscape Online Plagiarism Software

There has been a total of

hits counter
Unique Visitors to YurTopic
(Since January 1st 2013)

About  |  Terms and Conditions  |  Contact