Male Ego Dominance Is Venom in Marriage
What is Ego?
Dictionary.com defines 'ego' as the ‘I’ or 'self of any person;
a person as thinking, feeling, willing, and distinguishing itself from the self
of others and from objects of its thought. Ego has a both positive and negative
meaning. The positive meaning of ego is 'maintaining one's self-esteem', which
is good ego and everyone must possess it. However, the ego which we will discuss
in this article is negative ego, meaning ‘an illogical and adamant attitude'.
Ego is a small word but a very powerful one as it can mar any relationship.
If I were allowed to change one thing in this world, I would kill the ego of
every man. Ego is the biggest blockage in the free flow of love and harmony in
this world. Many nations, corporate, families, societies and cultures have been
destroyed because of ego. Personal ego of politicians and personalities has led
to wars and battles, causing immense destruction of mankind. Ego is that
destructive emotion that obstructs all logical thinking. When ego dominates in a
person, it supersedes all other human feelings. If I have to add one word before
ego, I would place 'kill'. Kill ego or else be prepared to face disaster in
Ego and Marriage
While Marriage Is All About ‘We’, ‘Us’ and ‘Our’, Ego Is
About ‘I’ This feeling of ‘I’, 'my’ and ‘myself’ in any of the spouses become
enough reason for a confrontation between the couple. For whatsoever reason such
a problem crops up between the husband and wife, ego adds fuel to the problem
and restricts its viable solution. Ego is the mother of many other vile
characteristics in man.
Although the 'ego' factor exists in both man and woman, in a male-dominant
society, the male suffers more from it as compared to a woman. This male ego
develops due to a male child's upbringing in a male-dominant society, where he
is taught to win against the woman throughout life, while losing to a woman is
seen as a weakness and reason for shame. Our family, friends and society have
programmed the mind for man to dominate in life.
For me, ego is a state of mind where the mind becomes 'adamant' against
logic, ignoring the real situation and, even, the truth, I raise some questions
and situations which will help you measure and understand ego more
- How do you feel when your wife criticizes some of your favorite
decisions? Do you feel hurt? Do you think logically and consider her point
- What is your reaction if your wife calls you by name in front of others,
especially, if this is not a custom in your family?
- Your wife disagrees with you on a certain issue and you have an inner
feeling that your point is weaker. Do you just accept the truth or try to
find a suitable workaround?
How do you feel when someone else praises your wife for one of her good
qualities? Do you feel jealous?
- If your wife criticizes one of your best friends, what is your reaction?
Do you even re-think over her views or analyze whether her point is valid?
- If you make a mistake, do you hesitate to accept it in front of your wife?
Or do you always try to save your face by one or another excuse.
- Do you share your ideas and views with your wife, especially when caught
in a dilemma?
- Do you initiate the physical relations or expect her to do so? How do you
feel, if she is not in a good mood at that time?
- How do you feel when she demands something that you dislike? Do you
- Do you hate her for taking so much time in getting ready for a party or
spending so much time on her makeup? Do you allow her to live naturally or do
you want to change her according to your wish?
The Pebble in My Shoe
It is not the mountain I have to climb, but the pebble
in my shoe that bothers me. If your spouse wants something small and it is of
little consequence to you, give it up. Remove minor disputes and create an
atmosphere of goodwill, generosity and flexibility in the relationship.
So if she wants her fur coat from the closet, just as you may want golf clubs
from the garage, then do so. Otherwise, you may pay many times the value of
these items later on.
How to Suppress Your Male Ego Dominance?
Our male ego has built up over years and centuries
and is the result of the programming that our brain receives throughout our
upbringing, due to our customs in the society, and the literature that considers
man superior to the woman in many respects. It is part of man's personality and
may be sometimes difficult to kill, so instead of killing it, man tries to
control or suppress it by becoming dominant. The prerequisites to control one's
ego are willingness and determination to accept that a malicious ego does exist
within. It's in man's mind and hence the mind has to be reprogrammed to bring
it back to a neutral state.
Some practical ways to suppress ego dominance are:
- Make a promise to yourself to control your negative male ego and make this
promise every day. A strong determination to suppress your ego is the first
- Explore more information on your wife, her past and present problems to
generate a kind attitude towards her. Gather facts about her day-to-day
activities so as to identify her positive facts. The more you know about your
wife, the more you will understand her and your egoistic dominance behavior will diminish.
Whenever there is a conflict between you and your wife, allow her to
speak out. Many ego clashes arise when we do not lend our ears to our wife
and reach a conclusion based on a preconceived opinion. An open ear and a
clear mind improve communication and we can understand the other person
better instead of falling prey to our false ego.
- Think logically and scientifically. The ego arises when our emotions and
false beliefs take over our minds. False pride, male-superiority mentality,
partisan attitude of parents and siblings, and a weak character give birth to a
self-ignited ego. A man with a strong character and logical thinking judges
every incident or matter scientifically and is not driven by emotions.
- Prefer the interests of your wife over what people say. The opinion of
others about you and your wife become a dominant factor, creating tension in
your relations. When a man views his wife from the point of view of his
mother, sister, father, brother or friends, he is unable to envisage the
real situation. Consider the others' opinions but do not let that opinion
outweigh your insight and love for your wife.
- Don't fall prey to incitement by friends and family about your wife. When a
man is married, his prime focus should be his wife and children. On the other
hand our previous relations suffer a lot due to lack of time and attention.
While we may be enjoying our new life and new companion, our old relations feel
frustrated as we are not able to meet their expectations. These frustrations
sometimes lead to jealousy and negative comments about the wife, causing
confusions. Their emotions may hurt our ego, resulting in inappropriate behavior
towards our wife. To avoid such situations, we need to work hard on our other
- Believe your heart and logic; do not believe in rumors about your wife
or opinion of others.
- Read good literature instead of cheap literature that depicts women as a sex
object or as a slave or junior partner of man.
- Be a friend, not a husband. If you could look at your wife as your
girlfriend, then possibly your relationship will never face the bitterness
caused by ego. When a boy woos a girl and is friendly with her, he goes to
any extent, even fight with his parents and friends. For him his girlfriend
becomes his world and he will not hesitate to defy the society for her sake.
Then he does not care for his male ego and does everything to please her.
However, after marriage, even if the same girl becomes his wife, his
attitude changes and the devotion gets replaced with demands and passion
with ego. And that's why many love marriages fail. One of the ways to
suppress your ego is to be a friend of your wife. Open your heart to her and
speak out all that you feel and want.
- Love your wife. True love towards your wife is the ultimate remedy to
counter your ego towards her.
Ego is the single most harmful trait in man that causes many problems in
families. It not only blindfolds his power of reasoning but also causes internal
tension and troubles the human mind, making man behave unreasonably.
Determination to suppress your ego will not only help you improve your marital
relations but also relations with other people around.
So promise yourself that you will not allow your ego to overshadow your logic
and believe me, your love toward your wife will increase, your patience will
multiply and paltry matters will not bother you. This will not only bring you
internal peace but even maintain happiness in the family.
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