Family - Children

By: Brooke Sistrunk - at February 24, 2013

Why We Need to Validate Our Children’s Feelings

Have you ever heard a parent say to their child "stop crying" or "big boys and girls don't cry?” Maybe you have heard someone say "shut your mouth" or "you're irritating me". I know I certainly have heard those words said at a store or public place from a parent. When I asked different parents have they said these phrases before to their children, most parents said yes. I also asked them where they learned to say those things, and a lot of people said that they were raised hearing those phrases from their parents. I know having children can be frustrating at times, and as a parent myself, I can say being a mom has its challenges. Parents do the best they can with the knowledge they were giving from their parents. Should we really brush off the reason why our child has emotions? No, we should not. Instead, we should encourage and embrace those emotions, and prevent our child from holding in feelings. When you allow your child to show how they feel, you can really get to know them and who they really are. The connection you will have with your child will grant you endless rewards in the future.

Learn About Your Child's Emotions
When you tell a child to stop crying, or you can’t cry, it teaches them that emotions aren't accepted and therefore validation won’t be given. You as a parent don't intentionally do this, it is just what you may have learned from your parent or role model. Believe me, I know all too well about hearing this as a kid. Now I see the effects of this on me and I am determined to change this pattern. How can this way of teaching be broken for a more successful effect on your child? How can these patterns that imprint you from the past be broken today? One way is when the next time your child cries or is down about something, instead of getting upset or frustrated, ask them questions. You may ask them "how do you feel right now?" "Why are you crying?" You could also tell them that it is ok to be emotional and you understand why they are crying.

Another way is positive physical contact or affection. Hugging and kissing them are very good was to console your children; even when you are mad or angry with them. By doing this, you give your child validation for their feelings and emotions. Validate calmly and mild-tempered so that you prove your true concern for them. Let them know that they have the right to feel, and that there isn’t anything wrong with having feelings. This opens the heartfelt communication that your child needs. This builds trust within your relationship. This physically and verbally shows and teaches your child to trust others as well.

Be the Best Role Model You Can Be!
You as the parent are the first teacher your child has, why not show them how to love, respect, and care for others? When they grow to be adults, they will pass on that great teaching in love from you. They will have healthier relationships and know how to express themselves fully from the soul. I have already experienced success with this, you can too.

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